Validating my direction, tarot cards, and Tik Tok dance trends.

Today is Sunday. What social media, capitalism, and the world tends to deliver as self-care day.  But for most of us that isn’t the case. In the life of a premed student, that’s an even funnier joke.

Today I woke up with intention of working out, making my meal prep for the week, finishing some errands, and putting away last weeks laundry that has been staring at me since it was placed on the floor that same day.

And while the ambition was there and my mindset was sorta kinda there, instagram and tiktok popped in soon after I opened my eyes and that was kind of it. Thank god I had a meeting with my friend who also is in the same non-profit with me that required me to put myself together and look somewhat decent. It’s so nice being able to talk to someone who fully understands the struggle of being a non-traditional student. Someone who doesn’t judge you or give you any feeling of comparison queen to share stats and whose gpa is bigger. She did get a new clinical research position which made me question my own extracurriculars for a moment-because human- but thankfully that thought disappeared as quickly as it appeared. I know it biologically and evolutionarily makes sense but god do I loathe our brains always providing the negative lull in our minds that is anxiety and stress. So we must constantly choose the road less thought of. 

I continued to make my smoothie, one of the few things I’m proud of in the kitchen, and then figured a workout was in order. But no regular run-around-the-neighborhood-jog would suffice. I needed something that entertained me yet challenged me physically and emotionally. Something that would make me sweat without noticing and would captivate me for the entire time. Can’t really afford kickboxing so Tik Tok dance trends… HERE WE COME! 

I burned almost 400 calories in under an hour. Now you can say whatever you want but I love it. And shaking my booty along with Doja cat gives me life. So, there’s that.

Now that I’ve progressed in other parts of my life I felt it only right to focus on my pre-medical corner again. It’s been an odd lull since last application cycle. And since I didn’t apply this cycle as I didn’t feel ready and didn’t want to show up with only half the improvements I felt it to be a personal waste. So instead I’ve been focusing on the one daunting thing I have left. The MCAT. Third time’s the charm. Ive set it in my mind to take it in January. This way in the rare case I truly honestly need one more month or so I can take it in March/April and still not be as stressed as I already would be. I have two more weeks left in my online program and then I will be switching to full on practice. Quizzes, full-lengths, Anki,etc. I’m ready I just needed a refresher. My other issue is work. I had already lowered my hours during my masters program which lasted two years and then slightly lowered it to study for the mcat for 3 months. Having to do that again is just not feasible at least until I’ve paid off my credit card more. I will say things are looking up. After the shitshow that was this past month and a half, I finally feel on the up and up of the zig zag of my progress. 

My future brother in law also read my cards too. Tarot cards that is. And it had good things to add. I know we’re supposed to believe in ourselves and remind ourselves who “that bitch” on our own. But it can be exhausting. Sometimes it’s just nice to hear someone tell you  or be delivered a message through the stars, the clouds, or the morning radio. A sign that what you know in your heart is true, really is true. Just a wee bit of validation. A bit of reinforcement. That all.

And god did I need it. All the cards pointed the way to a direction I already felt me moving towards. It was a great feeling, regardless if you believe in that stuff or not. I know my time is coming. Life truly is a ball of wonder and uncertainty. And yet, every bit of it feels right. 


Published by HonestRambles

Post-grad master's student navigating through the ugly, stressful, and worthwhile moments of being a nontraditional pre-med. Living off good energy, over-priced coffee, and reminding myself why I choose this life everyday.

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