Underlying skin

These past few weeks have been hard for me.

Not so much so for the stress that comes from working with sick people.
Staying on top of the health of others comes natural to me.

A fast dynamic is what I thrive in. Always have.

It comes from something deeper.

A sorta of confidence I’ve always been able to express. Effortlessly most days.

Some days requiring more effort, but always there. Under the surface. Like my super own power.

These past few weeks my skin has been plagued with a shade of red and a sea of questions. I tried all remedies, increased water intake, sunscreen, gentle cleansers, etc. For a long time I felt as though I had control in what was happening with my body.

Until now. Now nothing I did made a difference. My body running on autopilot and i’m stuck in the trunk. Was I falling apart? Is this skin what I am to become?

All dramatics aside,

There’s a sense of joy that comes from looking and feeling your best and when your incapable of accomplishing that, it’s painful. It strips how you identify yourself to be and all the details of you.

I’m still taking various routes such as getting my lab work done, and restarting antibiotics. Finding ironic joys with our enforced mask guidelines. It allows me to keep a small piece of my reality hidden from the world until I allow it.

It’s moments like this where I’m truly thankful of the love I share with my fiancé. He still sees the beauty underneath the inflammation. And that allows me to hold on to her too.

Until the next step.

Published by HonestRambles

Post-grad master's student navigating through the ugly, stressful, and worthwhile moments of being a nontraditional pre-med. Living off good energy, over-priced coffee, and reminding myself why I choose this life everyday.

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